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Unicorns and Rainbows and all things Glittery

December 3, 2012

Torah Kachur

What is your favorite mythical creature?

 

Dragons?  Minotaurs?  Elves?  Unicorns?

 

 

My favorite would be unicorns.  Definitely rainbow-puking, sparkly and glittery unicorns, with wings.  The beautiful, fantastical, peaceful creatures that I doodled as a 7 year old but quickly realized that they are complete and utter bullshit.

 

Not if you're a North Korean.  The state-run newspaper, KCNA, recently reported that the lair of a unicorn said to be ridden by an ancient king has been discovered.  The lair of a unicorn!  Squeeeeee......

 

North Korean 'scientists' have uncovered the burial site of a famous unicorn (aren't all unicorns famous though, seriously) that was supposed ridden by King Dongmyeong (37BC - 668AD).  The evidence?  A gravestone near the capital of North Korea that is engraved with the words "Unicorn Lair"

 

So the evidence is a gravestone?  Sheesh, Jesus-freaks would kill for that kind of nail-in-the-coffin evidence.  Let's just call this Unicorn search OVER!  Yay, unicorns existed!   I can see it now - "Unicorn Sightseeing of North Korea", sound infinitely better than "Starving Peasant Tour of North Korea!"  A quote from the state media's report, just in case you think I'm full of shit.... "The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom."

 

I know, I can't stop laughing either.

 

Now I can finally fulfill my fantasy of riding a unicorn across the DMZ like Lady Godiva. 

 

(Biologists Note:  Unicorns don't exist)

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