The Future is Bleak

April 1, 2011

Torah Kachur

What is in store for you?  Maybe a new car or a raise or a divorce.  But it truly doesn't matter because in 12 months the world will end.


At Ss we aren't 2012 bullshit alarmists, instead it is our scientific opinion that the world will end April 1st, 2012.  Firstly, this is because mathematically the number looks prettier - 4.1.12.  But that is just our opinion.  More importantly, there is a lot of science to back up this fact.


The gravitational pulls of Earth are changing rapidly because of the shift of the orbit of Jupiter recently.  This has a drastic effect on the shape of the Earth and eventually the planet we call home will be pulled into a potato shaped object that will change our tidal patterns, ocean levels and increase tectonic plate shifts.  In other words, complete geological chaos.   And you thought a wee tsunami was news.....



Not to mention putting us in the path of the thousands of meteors that share our orbit.  Where's Bruce Willis when we need him?


The change in shape will also change the rotation of the Earth so that it will no longer have a spherical orbit around the sun.  This skewed orbit will change our weather patterns making exceptionally hot summers in the Southern Hemisphere and cold, frigid, unbearable winters in the Northern Hemisphere.  The areas around the equator will no longer rotate spherically and have more drastic shifts in temperatures causing a complete shift in the ecosystems.  Our greenhouse gas absorber in the Amazon will disappear faster than slash-and-burn agriculture can keep up.


Why do you have 12 months to seize the day?  Evidence suggests that the pattern of Earth's rotation is also speeding up.  National Geographic reports that the Earth is getting windier.  A lot windier.  So you can invest in RRSPs in wind farms that will bear fruit in 35 years, or you can grab a kite and enjoy your remaining days of humanity.  


12 months.  That is it.  Decide how to spend your millions, or thousands, or hundreds, on that thing you have always wanted to do.  Quit your job and become a ski bum in Whistler or a geisha in Japan.  The time has come.  We will destroy the Earth in 12 months. 


This whole December 12, 2012 is bunk.  The Mayans were hacks.   We have science on our side and volcanoes, climactic shifts in temperature and mass flooding awaits in T-minus 365 days.  It's simple math.  April 1st 2012 is exactly one year away from April 1st, 2011.



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