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Ode to the Penis

August 23, 2010

Torah Kachur

Science in Seconds Not On Location:  Torah back in boring Edmonton, Canada

 

I'm a woman and I find penises fascinating.

 

The overall function of a penis is simple - it's a turkey baster used to transfer sperm into or close to the female.  (Yes, I am a romantic)  The human penis is pretty boring, considering that the diversity of penises in the animal kingdom range from forked appendages in kangaroos, double penises in snakes and lizards and gigantic penises of barnacles.

 

        Science in Seconds Blog by Torah Kachur

 

The barnacle is a personal favorite of mine, this penis literally has a mind of its own.  Barnacles are marine animals that are stationary and, if they can't move, it makes it infinitely more difficult to copulate. 

 

Unless you have a penis that is 8x their body size and is mobile. 

 

The barnacle penis can extend out to search and capture mates literally moving around in the waves and seeking out other sexy barnacles.  As if barnacles weren't kinky enough, they are all hermaphrodites... but they find that sex is always better when someone else is present.

 

Not all penises are just sperm depositors, some can even act as weapons.  Flat-worms have fascinating loins because of what they do with them.  The primary function is still a turkey-baster but they also use their manlihood to duel for mates.  Penis-fencing... just when I thought human men fought honorably for their companions.

 

Most birds don't have penises, but that's okay, I will forgive all birds - because the Argentinian lake duck carries one of the most impressive male organs, their appendage sounds like the kinkiest of sex toys.  The lake duck's penis is a) corkscrew shaped, b) a brush-like tip and c) a whopping 42cm long (16.5 inches).  And, there are tiny spikes at the base, just in case you were thinking this was the most perfectly designed organ ever.

 

The biggest penis ever measured - 8 feet.  (on a blue whale....you and your dirty mind)

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