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NanoEnergy Pants

July 26, 2010

Torah Kachur

Science in Seconds On Location:  Torah in Xi'an, China

 

Yes, you read the title right - it says NanoEnergy Pants.

 

Chinese medicine encompasses everything to 'mainstream' treatments such as acupuncture to more absurd and ridiculous treatments like tiger penises for virility.  Treatments that can be found in Chinese legit pharmacies include Far Infrared Magnetic Underwear, Hyperplasia Semen Supplements and NanoEnergy Pants.

 

These fancy-pants include a "infrared optical disk" and "magneto-optic wire anion".  Ah yes, magneto-optic wire anions, a new breakthrough in medicine. 

 

No, it's not a breakthrough and it's not Chinglish, it's actually on the box of medicine.  These NanoEnergy Pants are said to help microcirculation and have curative effects on pretty much everything you have ever suffered from..  The Far Infrared shorts have embedded magnets in them and boast even bigger claims including curing anus gelitik (ummm...I'm no MD but I have never heard of this particular appetizing condition) and treatments for sciatica.

 

There is serious science behind these booty-covers, at least for the curative powers of infrared light - IR treatments a part of a new field called photobiomodulation where researchers have shown that IR irradiation can help accelerate wound healing and, new experiments suggest light treatment can prevent muscle fatigue.  These effects have been chalked up to a few different cellular functions, one of the more central players is light activation of cytochrome C oxidase, an enzyme in the body that is involved in efficient cellular energy production.

 

It all makes sense - light induced activation of this enzyme is the answer.  Thankfully, these fanny-pants can be bought in bulk, who wants one?

 

Hold on one second - these studies were done with a few drastic differences from the NanoEnergy Pants - they have an energy source...unless you have a plug-in in your behind, I'm pretty sure your body can't power enough for infrared emissions.  Secondly, do you really want to put magnets or laser beams anywhere near your loins?

 

Whether you have magnets in your panties to align your qi or lasers in your briefs to increase your libido - either way the airport security official is in for a shock.  And you'll have to explain why you believe any of this silly-(not-even-pseudo)-science.

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