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September 6, 2010

Torah Kachur

The flood of students back to campuses across the country has begun. Fresh-faced youths looking to expand their knowledge, become free-thinkers and lose their virginity. There is no doubt that University is a great place to get laid…..errrr…I mean learn amazing things from awesome profs who love their subject.

Before you take a roll in the hay with your lab partner – know this – 1 in every 4 college students have, or will get, a sexually transmitted infection. This can range from Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) which 80% of women will be infected with in their lifetime, to the clap (Gonorrhea), Syphilis, Herpes and Chlamydia. Fun times.


Almost all of these delicious diseases can be prevented with one simple tool – a condom. Love-glove, cock-sock, French letters, rubber, hazmat suits, blasphemous…whatever you want to call it. A ‘helmet’ can stop you from oozing yellow goo from your penis or getting bursting blisters all over your scrotum. And ladies, just because you’re on the pill and won’t get pregnant does not mean that the guy won’t leave a little gift on your night out – herpes is often incurable and recurring and genital warts are no picnic either.

For the most part, STIs are curable – Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia can be treated with a course of antibiotics. If, of course, you even know you have them. Many times, these infections are asymptomatic. If untreated, they can cause sterility, chronic pelvic inflammatory disease and even madness – if the syphilis bacterium burrows into your brain a la Nietzche-crazy. Others aren’t so treatable – Herpes and HIV…just in case you thought you could just pop a pill.

College dorms are sex-havens – men are young dumb and full of cum and girls are finally shedding the ‘slut’ slur. If you can’t get action during those precious 4 years you are pretty much doomed for the rest of your life. At least until you hit a retirement home. The most rapidly rising STI rate across North America are in retirement communities. This is our grandparents.



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